An Alternate Universe

Aug. 14, 2015

*This week’s column explores an alternate universe where Atlanta Braves President of Baseball Operations John

Hart is, instead, the President of the United States of America. The situation is…poor.

John Hart gazes wistfully through the large windowpane behind his desk. The view of the south lawn is decidedly

barren compared to months past. Large trees used to occupy the grounds, but John did what he knew had to be

done. The upkeep for the trees had become too costly and besides, everyone knew the trees were almost past

their prime. John made a decision and traded the trees to England for some saplings and a shrubbery to be

named later. Sure, the saplings were small now, but John knew they had potential.

That was months and many trades ago though. However, after the last trade, John was beginning to notice how

upset people were with the transitional nature of his plans. “They just don’t understand,” he thought to himself.

“When you’re given the opportunity to change things up, you have to take it.” He even released a statement

explaining his latest move.

“We just felt it was the right time and the right piece for us. We were able to accomplish a lot of things within

this. Certainly, we lost the Washington Monument, but at the same time, we freed up some financial flexibility.”

But people just couldn’t understand. They were OK when he traded New Mexico to Japan for some high

potential islands in the Pacific, but trade one little piece of Northern California to the Australians for a sweet

presidential timeshare in Melbourne, and everyone loses their minds.

It was all a part of a process though. The state of the country was rough and getting worse by the week; he had to

do something. He knew he had to rebuild, and he quickly realized that trades were the way to do it.

The first trade John made was relatively well received. Sure, everyone loved the Golden Gate Bridge, but everyone

understood that the costs might have been too high to keep it around, and if they were being honest, it might

have been a bit overrated. The return was enough to keep people happy.

John loved the feeling of that first trade. It gave him a rush like he’d never experienced. He began to trade more

and more, and people began to say he had lost his way.

There might have been a plan initially. The trades seemed to at least point towards a semblance of growth for the

future. But now, the end goal seemed to have been lost. The trades seemed less about the potential of helping the

country in the future and more about satisfying John Hart’s insatiable need to make them.

“Maybe they’re right,” he said to himself as he watched the Lincoln Memorial being transported on the street

below him. He wasn’t even sure what trade it was involved in.

“Maybe I’ve lost sight of the original goal. Maybe I should quit trading important pieces away for something that

only has potential to help. Maybe…”

A thought struck him in that moment.

“No. They’re wrong. I’ve just realized the one trade I needed to make this whole time!”

He called his one remaining staff member into the room. “Call Putin,” he said. “I’ve got a great deal for the Statue

of Liberty in mind.”